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In the last of my four recorded conversations with Jonathan this week, today we made an attempt to examine the effects that parenting has had on my emotional growth. We then stammered our way through topics like why people become parents, whether parenting is similar to or the opposite of being in a coma, and whether it possible to make the transition to independence gracefully.
We aren’t confident that we answered these questions with any success whatsoever. But if you listen all the way to the end you’ll get to hear a really goofy song by Fred Van Vactor – a reward for your patience.
(Or, you can just skip to the end.)
Better luck next time,
Amy
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So there’s this “funny sign” out there that says Teenagers- tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now! Move out, get a job, pay your bills! While you still know everything!
And I really hate it.
So I called Kara up to rant about it, and (if you have the stomach for it) you can listen to bits of my tirade here.
But first you’ll hear a little bit about my own regrets, mistakes, grief and sorrow… so in case you didn’t know it already- it’s not like I think I’m so perfect or anything. ‘Cause I sure ain’t.
And then at the end Anders Hyatt reminds us to “be honest, if you can….”
Which seems like a really good place to start.
xoAmy
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In what may be my last podcast for a while, we have not only the wonderful Kara Tennis joining me today but another special guest too – but you’ll have to listen (very carefully) if you want to hear anything she has to say.
After an important discussion about wrinkles, the conversation turned to more frivolous things like the one thing that all people can (and I wish they would, repeatedly) say to their parents: “It’s not my job to make you feel better.”
And other things.
And then I play a song by Tom Chapin that always, always, always makes me cry.
Goodnightiloveyouseeyouinthemorning,
Amy
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Daniel is about to go off traveling again, and so am I – so it was a lucky thing that we found a time to record this final episode of Season Six – in spite of noisy NYC construction and a sketchy skype connection.
In today’s conversation Daniel talks about what motivates people to grow, the evolution of humanity, what parents can do when they see their mistakes, and why he might sound upset when he’s in a car careering toward a cliff.
Although Daniel and I don’t always see or articulate things in the same way, I am so grateful for the courageous work he has done and continues to do – not only for himself, but for the planet, for the world’s children and for the child inside each one of us.
I also want to take a moment to thank all of you who’ve listened to all 16 episodes of this Season Six. I commend you for taking the time to hear, think, talk and breathe about so many painful and challenging ideas. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t always been easy for any of us.
I don’t usually know what the point of this podcast is, but I sometimes have a bit of hope that it might somehow help the world come closer to being a safe, nurturing and supportive place in which human beings can thrive. I don’t know how these things work, but I s’pose a girl can always dream. Thanks for being a part of that journey.
Amy
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In this fourth and final intermission episode, I try to answer the seemingly simple question: “Amy, do you agree with Daniel – that unhealed people should not have kids – or not?”
Perhaps the most concise answer would be “I wouldn’t use the word ‘should’.”
Regardless of whether I agree or disagree with Daniel’s opinions or approach (or use of the words “should” and “shouldn’t”), I still feel that the heart of his message is very important and far too rare.
And I continue to be grateful for his perspective, passion and courage.
Plume Giant – a “retro folk trio with no frontman, just guitar, violin, viola, and three voices” gives us our musical treat today, which is lucky for us.
xoAmy
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This show marks the ¾ point in Season Six starring Daniel Mackler, and again it’s hard to summarize our conversation in 50 words or less. Some hints include: spanking, hands-off forms of torture, freeing slaves and children, bad feelings, levels of consciousness, arithmetic, calculus, and growing past our teachers.
There was one thing that Daniel said today that I found not only humorous but also I think it’s a clue about the “gap” I’ve been exploring lately, and possibly a clue about many other things as well. When I said to Daniel something like “Your website isn’t really addressed for parents,” he replied “Well it could be argued that my website isn’t really addressed for anyone…” to which I replied “lol” and also “oh!”
If you want to read Daniel’s critique of Alice Miller, just click on this friendly little link here and voila! (Ain’t that internet an amazement??)
So now it’s time for us to all be patient while Amy and Daniel figure out when they can find some time to skype and record the last four episodes of Season Six.
If you live in the northern hemisphere, I imagine you’ll be able to find some beautiful springy something or other to help you while the time away…. well, that’s what I’ll be doing anyway.
xoAmy
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What I did for today’s show was I pulled together a few clips that were cut out of other recordings, ones that all generally fit under the theme of ‘Parenting.’ Included are more thoughts about dissociation, abuse, and whether or not Daniel thinks that parents can heal.
I feel really proud of anyone who is willing to listen to Daniel talk about these things, and am proud that I have a podcast that attracts listeners who are up to such a deep and personal challenge. Thanks for all your thoughtful comments; I hope you’ll keep sharing your thoughts and experiences with me and with each other along the way.
I’m not sure if all this “makes the world a better place” or if it just “makes the world a better place for me.” But either way, I’m happier because of you – so thanks for that.
xoAmy
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Okay, are we all doing a good job with our deep breathing? Good, good.
Daniel Mackler has a message that (I think) is very important. It’s also a very painful one to hear. If you’re a parent (or a parent wannabe) and you’re willing to listen to what he has to say, you’re more humble and courageous than most, and I thank you.
All of Season Six (16 episodes) is dedicated to Daniel’s views about truth, the true self, trauma, healing and growing up. If you want to learn how this could become a truly healed and happy world, I hope you’ll listen carefully, breathe deeply, and find out what your own inner self has to say about it all.
In Season Six I’m playing Daniel’s music. In today’s song he sings:
I see parents having kids and then they break their little hearts,
They crush their perfect lives before they get a chance to start.
But still I know there’s hope because I see it in my sight,
That’s why I’ve come to spread the message
that it’s time to set things right.
When I heard Daniel’s vision for the world, it was the first time – ever – that I had a glimmer that maybe… maybe… there was something good about having hope. I must admit I’m still awfully wary of the concept – but I’m open to changing my mind. And if I do, you guys will be among the very first to know. I’ll keep you posted.
xoAmy
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Meryl and I have known each other since 5th grade and have had many (MANY) good times together since then.
<pause as I stare off dreamily remembering so many good times…>
Not to mention Meryl’s grandmother and my great-grandmother were cousins. Pretty sweet.
But so anyway! Today Meryl asked me about really trusting children, watching TV, how to help kids with their feelings and what to do about siblings who bug each other.
Devon Sproule (who I called a “Philly favorite” because everyone in Philly loves her – but she lives in Virginia) graces us with the closing number today, Stop By Anytime.
So, that’s a big “ta da” for Season 5, wonder what we’ll come up with next?…..
‘Till then – xoAmy
 Meryl's Grandmother and Amy's Great-Grandmother  Amy and Meryl and other 7th grade girls at the mountains Share on Facebook
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Kayla has been studying different parenting styles, and wanted to know what I thought about the difference between being “firm” (which some say is a good thing) and being “controlling” (which some say is a bad thing). Or something like that (I kept getting all the categories mixed up, but hopefully the editing will gloss over that part…)
Later I broke the season 5 rules, and asked Kayla if she’d be willing to say some words about my strengths and weaknesses as a mom, and she was, and she did.
And in case you were wondering, Alexandra Day’s new album Untangle is ready for you to buy it!
 I think this was taken about 10 years ago Breathing in and out,
xoAmy
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