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Jay Very, a trans-identified friend of mine (yes that’s right he said we could be friends, right on the podcast!), kept a video diary for 5 years, and the footage is now being edited by Bethany (my niece and well-loved podcast guest) on its way to being a documentary, “The Jay Very Story.” While waiting for that time to come, you can listen to some interesting morsels in today’s interview, and hopefully that will help you be patient.
Jay and Bethany talk about all kinds of good stuff, including wearing leather and speedos, social anxiety, the queer trans community, cockroaches, drinking, drugs, bad singing, not fitting in, depression, cross-dressing, being yourself, being happy under any circumstance, and finding friends who like you for who you are.
Jay says “Back in my day you had to carry your queerness uphill, both ways, barefoot, in the snow…” We’ve come a long way, baby! Thanks in no small part to people like Bethany and Jay.
 Bethany and Jay And thanks also to Shelley Segal for today’s Apocalyptic Love Song, which was inspired by and is dedicated to Hitch.
Yes I understand that my whole life is just a blink of an eye
In the history of the earth, as with each moment that goes by,
But this moment that I am with you
It feels like time has stood still,
It feels somehow like it matters,
And that it always will.
And I think that’s what being alive, and being in it together, is all about.
(Well that, and snacks.)
~Amy
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So after a couple years of celibacy (jeepers, was it only a couple years? Why did it feel like a couple decades?), I woke up one morning with a sudden and clear *ping* in my brain that meant to me that it was time for the ‘vow’ to be over. Just kinda like that.
As part of my un-vowing process, one thing I wanted to do was to ask Daniel Mackler some questions about celibacy, dating, sex, relationships – and I recorded the conversation so all y’all could eavesdrop.
What a day, what a life, what a world – and whatever, whatever.
Amen
 little carsie offers her opinion on all this
Oh and have you downloaded Carsie Blanton’s new album yet?
Have you heard that she gives her music away?
So just go listen already!
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I asked Jonathan to tell me about some of the things he’s learning and thinking about in his relationship with Briel and in life in general. He shared about talking slower, talking less, not talking at all, learning to hold a grudge and compromising.
Encouragingly, at the end he says “The only way you’re going to understand what I’m saying is if you’re psychic.” Um, so, yeah- good luck with that.
Today’s closing number is from Portland’s Fred Van Vactor, who says this is his real name, and who has some fun songs for us to enjoy in coming episodes – so get ready for a quirky dance party coming your way.
In the meantime, I’m a gonna stop talking now.
Amy
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 Jonathan and Briel skyping for this podcast Yep you heard me, my firstborn child is now an engaged man. If you want to hear them give the blow by blow of how this happened, this show is just for you.
“I don’t need a holiday to send love your way….”
(Thanks Jake Snider!!)
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Today, continuing in the tradition of amusing ourselves, Kara and I discuss relationships (pros and cons), comfort (pros and cons), commitment (pros and cons), sex addiction (pros and cons) and gay (and human) pride.
Today’s musical endnote is provided by “Griz,” and background kitty noises provided by my sister’s cats, Tara and Piper.
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In this final ‘Season 6′ episode about ‘Sex & Love’, we talked about:
Why would Daniel ever be in a romantic/sexual relationship?
Why would an enlightened person ever be in a romantic/sexual relationship?
Are there times when relationships help people grow?
What does Daniel think about commitment and contracts?
And more!
PS: I’ve been getting some feedback that these shows take “f o r e v e r” to download – and that these long episodes are even worse. Alls I can say is: sorry bout dat. Guess we’re getting what we’re paying for…
So thanks for your patience. A good reminder to breathe, right?
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In today’s “season six intermission” I reveal a bit more of my profound confusion regarding anything sex/love. “But it’s not my fault,” I explain, “I’m just a super-freak is all.”
Part of what gets me all muddled up is that I can’t find a way to reconcile the things that Daniel says about relationships with the things my kids say about relationships.
Another thing that gets me muddled up is that I still haven’t even been able to identify whether my past relationships were fundamentally “good” or “bad.” Not a great place to start when looking for decisive clarity.
The only thing I can possibly say at this juncture is, to be continued….
And also I could say: Thanks Jake Snider for sharing his tune with us, “Real Life.”
Rockin’ it out, bewilderment notwithstanding-
Amy
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More meandering!
Today’s topics include…
-Is it a boundary violation to intrude on someone’s false self?
-How do you distinguish another person’s true self from their false self?
-What do healthy adult humans really need?
-Can being “in love” be a part of a healing path?
And in the end Amy confesses some of her deepest desires… to hide and to be alone. So then why the heck do you have this podcast? Daniel asks. I KNOW RIGHT!? (And out loud I said, politely, “Yeah well, it’s been a struggle…”)
Yours in blah blah blah,
Amy
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Daniel says that “to love is to nurture.”
And other things too.
“Love” is the topic of today’s interview, and in it we talk about healthy and unhealthy kinds of love, mature and immature kinds of love, having crushes and being “in love.”
At the end I asked Daniel a little bit about his own history with these things, why he chose to be celibate, and whether his celibate lifestyle is a “for now” or a “forever” thing.
The adventure continues…
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According to Daniel Mackler, a relationship is healthy to the degree that its purpose is to support those in the relationship in growing toward truth and being one’s true self.
However, in his experience and observation, most (if not all) romantic ties have “comfort” as their primary purpose, even when it hinders growth and requires compromise of the true self.
What do you think?
Post your comments, rebuttals and questions here (if you feel like it,) and we’ll address your feedback in a future episode.
Also, if you sometimes get confused by talk of “intimacy” and “boundaries” (’cause I do, just sayin’,) Daniel has a pretty succinct way of cutting through the psychobabble and giving some nice simple definitions. I like that.
I was trying to think of a good April Fools joke to play, but my kids pointed out that April Fools jokes are usually just mean, so never mind. But have a fun first day of April anyway!
xoAmy
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