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Sex&Love33: Daniel on Friendship, Boundaries and Intimacy

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According to Daniel Mackler, a relationship is healthy to the degree that its purpose is to support those in the relationship in growing toward truth and being one’s true self.

However, in his experience and observation, most (if not all) romantic ties have “comfort” as their primary purpose, even when it hinders growth and requires compromise of the true self.

What do you think?

Post your comments, rebuttals and questions here (if you feel like it,) and we’ll address your feedback in a future episode.

Also, if you sometimes get confused by talk of “intimacy” and “boundaries” (’cause I do, just sayin’,) Daniel has a pretty succinct way of cutting through the psychobabble and giving some nice simple definitions. I like that.

I was trying to think of a good April Fools joke to play, but my kids pointed out that April Fools jokes are usually just mean, so never mind. But have a fun first day of April anyway!

xoAmy

Sex&Love32: Paul Asks Me Some Questions

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Thanks to my new friend Paul (an expert at the game “20 Questions”), today’s discussion covers:

Do I plan to be celibate forever?
Do I miss sex?
Do I regret my past relationships?
What’s with my love affair with Philadelphia?
What have I learned from doing “Season 5?”

And as Paul discovered today, if you want to know anything more about “what I think about orgies” it’ll cost you a dinner (including ample leftovers for my kids).  At least.

And once again, today’s music is all thanks to the lovely Alexandra Day.

xo~Amy

Sex&Love31: Sister Jessica Asks Me Some Questions

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Jessica (who graciously un-muted her phone for the purpose of this podcast) asked me things like…

What were the good and hard things about your past relationships?
How did you know when it was time for those relationships to end?

And perhaps most importantly, so what DO you think about orgies?? (Spoiler alert: no further answer provided.)

in the back yard of our Santa Barbara house 1975ish

Jess and Amy

San Diego on New Years Day 2008

We’re also treated to another song from Alexandra Day’s new CD called Fall’s Last Kiss.

Hope you enjoy it.

Amy

Sex&Love 30: Melanie Asks Me Some Questions

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First of all Melanie and I laughed a lot, and luckily I didn’t pee my pants.

Then she asked me to talk about my most recent thoughts and feelings about sex and love, and I blithered about something along those lines.

Carsie Blanton sings the song of hers that I consider my sex/love theme song* – not a pretty sight.  But at least now maybe you’ll understand the need for some celibacy around here.

Amy

*The characters depicted in this song are fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental.

Sex&Love29: Thor's Birthday Challenge, Part II

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Back in October 2010, the challenge was declared: Megan and Thor were going to have sex at least 30 times in the 30 days before Thor turned 30.

What started as a little game turned into a whole movement… with lots of surprise endings!

Sex&Love28: Polyamory

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Because so many questions about open relationships arose after my interview with Bethany on the last sex&love episode, I decided to offer listeners some more information about polyamorous relationships, lifestyles and choices. Toward this end, I asked my friend Bob Bruhin to share his experiences and observations with us, and he kindly agreed.

Today Bob shares his experience of and views about:
– why people choose to enter an open or polyamorous relationship;
– the challenges and benefits of being in an open or polyamorous relationship;
– some common mistakes and misunderstandings about these kinds of relationships;
– what makes relationships healthy, whether monogamous or otherwise.

If you’re curious to hear more about this unconventional way of living and loving, then here you go….Have at it!

The song I played at the end of today’s show (“Millionaire Girlfriend”) made me “lol” – thank you Jonathan Coultan (and thanks to Bob for finding him).

xoAmy

Sex&Love27: An Open Relationship

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I asked my brave and adorable niece if she’d talk with me about her open relationship and she said yes!

The reason I think she’s brave is – if you have a traditional religious upbringing,  choosing a life of non-monogamy (and being open about it!) is a sure-fire way to make some people think badly of you.  (Just sayin’.)

But Bethany is not deterred! and today shares with us about  her love of freedom and her relationships, giving up control, growing past jealousy, dealing with  insecurity, her drive to be independent, and the time it takes to grow up.  She also sings to us at the end. Like I said, our lucky day.

xoAmy

PS: Bethany loves her parents, and if they should happen to listen to this interview (or even if they don’t) she is sorry if it somehow makes them feel uncomfortable.

Sex&Love26: Thor's Birthday Challenge

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Here’s the challenge, as stated by Thor’s wife, Megan:

On November 8th, Thor turns 30. I wanted to do something really meaningful to honor him. And what does Thor care about more than almost anything? Sex. So here’s the idea:

I am proposing a challenge to us all to have sex 30 times in the 30 days before Thor turns 30.

At least, that’s our goal. You may have more or less, but the point is to have as much as possible during that month, in Thor’s name.

The challenge will begin October 6 and will end with a party at the C&S Club (21+) on the night of Saturday, November 6 at 9 o’clock (only because November 8th is a Monday, and who wants to have a party on a Monday?). We’ll bring some snacks, cake, and non-alcoholic beverages. Alcohol is available for purchase at the bar.

At the party we will have t-shirts for all who participated in the challenge, with the option to proudly display your number for all to see. There will be prizes awarded for highest numbers in the couples, single female and single male categories. There will be consolation prizes for any zeros out there. You may, of course, choose to keep your number to yourself, but you won’t be eligible for any prizes.

Many of you are out of town, and some may not want or be able to come to the party for various reasons. We would still love for you to participate, perhaps as a boost to your relationships or just to give yourself a little more fun.

Please, don’t keep this to yourselves. Anyone, anywhere can join in. Spread the word. Invite your friends to join the movement and/or come to the party. During the month, post your numbers on your Facebook status to cheer each other on. Together, we can make the world a better place.

FAQs

Q: What Is Sex?
A: When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, blah blah blah … Oral or intercourse culminating in yada yada yada.

Q: What, is Thor some kind of a pervert?
A: Takes one to know one.

Q: Not all of us are able to participate in the challenge, are you trying to rub it in?
A: Of course not! We understand that there are lots of reasons that many of you don’t want to, can’t, or shouldn’t be having sex right now. We still want to party with you, so come on over. You don’t even have to be happy for us.

So who can pass up on that?! (Especially if you don’t even have to be happy for the lucky couple?!)

Party on,

Amy

WWA’s “music guy” Ryan Tennis wrote a song (written and recorded in an hour or so) just for the occasion called “Everybody Wants To.”  I think you’ll like it.

Sex&Love25: Talking to Kids About Sex

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I debated whether to entitle this “Talking WITH Kids…” or “Talking TO Kids…” and settled on “to” because the whole episode is mostly about the things I’ve said TO my kids.  In another show on another day maybe I’ll follow up with an episode about “with.”

Anyway – about ten years ago I sent my son this letter, and he replied “thanks.”  (I loved that response.)

In the letter I talked about circumcision, masturbation, porn, kissing, sex, homosexuality and sexual abuse.  In today’s show I review all that, plus add a few of my latest thoughts about casual sex as well.  A little bit of everything.

Thanks again to Bar Scott for her musical contribution to my life.

Cheers,

Amy

Sex&Love24: Good Sex in Bad Relationships

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What the what? Good sex in a bad relationship? Impossible!  Say it ain’t so… please?

Sorry folks, not only is it possible, it happens all the goddam motherfucking time.  (Or is it just me?  Maybe we can hope.)

To hear more of the talented Brittany Ann’s music, check her out on myspace, and if you want to own a CD with the intro music of this show – plus another hour of rockin’ a cappella tunes – contact Gray Tennis and he’ll make it happen.

I think I need to go get drunk now.

xo~Amy