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Sex&Love3: Tops And Bottoms

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These are the kind of tops and bottoms I’m NOT talking about (well I sort of am, but not directly.)

(Don’t worry, it’s just a link to wikipedia).

Thanks for listening!

(And for commenting.)

(Which reminds me, how come I’m the only one with a photo? I must have done that somehow, but now I forget… Anyone know anything about such mysteries?)

7 comments to Sex&Love3: Tops And Bottoms

  • Openning had me laugh and more than wiggle my toes.

    Amy has done it again. Jam packed and brilliant. I never learned so much in twenty minutes about my heritage, people, tops and bottoms and everyting.

    Some of the broadest thinking I have heard.

    Love,
    Wade

  • Bethany Childs

    As someone who has seen the vast chasms of being an emotional bottom in a relationship – I am happy to have been with someone who doesn’t take on the roles of being a top . . . or a bottom. Pushing for independence has left me with; a best friend, pride in my life accomplishments and a zest for life that I couldn’t have had if I had excepted my role as what I see as the “bottom”. The hardest examples that I have seen of settled in “top and bottom” relationships leave both parties feeling unfulfilled as they are looking for happiness from each other and not from more sustainable parts of their lives. I am interested in the idea of excepting the roles of “top and bottom” but I can’t say that I’ve ever seen a fulfilling example of it. In fact I’ve never thought of it in a positive way since I was disenchanted by the church I grew up in. In your P4 podcast you talk about kids play acting as a top. I could see conscious play acting as a helpful tool for relationship dynamics. It has been helpful in mine on occasion. The part that seems to be lacking in both the bottom and top roles is selfishness. Whether you are a top or a bottom you are looking for self fulfillment and I guess I’d just rather be with someone who was looking for that directly instead of through pleasing or being pleased. I really liked thinking about “dependent and independent” and how that fits but as far as friendships and romantic relationships I am skeptical about the idea of top and bottom and how they can be fulfilling. Maybe its too broad a term and we are talking about different things? Or maybe we just disagree. This issue comes up constantly in my life as the majority of people I interact with seem to be looking for “top – bottom” relationships (romantic or otherwise) so I am interested in your opinion.

    – Bethany

  • You guys are brilliant!

  • Debora

    I join the oppinion of Bronson! As a person who’s been most of her life a top,.. and is just figuring out to become a bottom sometimes… and is realising how hard it is to switch… I noticed I become better and better in “switching”… and happier! And that absolutly (!), defenetly (!) goes together!
    so good to hear people are having the same thaughts in an other part of the world.. and find incredible good words to discribe “it”!
    -Debora (Switzerland)

  • amychilds

    I love reading all your comments people, thank you for writing!

    My daughter asked if I’d replied to Bethany yet – I have talked more about this with her privately, but I’ll share a few thoughts here. (I also asked Bethany if she’d be interested in being a guest and talking more about it on the air, but for now she’s more interested in other topics. Unlucky us! Although the other topics are juicy too, so stayed tuned!)

    >As someone who has seen the vast chasms of being an emotional bottom in a relationship – I am happy to have been with someone who doesn’t take on the roles of being a top . . . or a bottom.

    My hunch/suspicion is (TOTALLY off the cuff, never having observed this relationship in any way) that if I were to watch the way you two interact, that I would see a top-bottom dynamic taking place, likely with frequent “switching.” My guess is that I haven’t fully explained what that means to me, enough that Bethany resonates with the model (yet).

    >The hardest examples that I have seen of settled in “top and bottom” relationships leave both parties feeling unfulfilled as they are looking for happiness from each other and not from more sustainable parts of their lives.

    It sounds like you are describing what I would call “unconscious top/bottom relationships.” In other words, it’s not the fact they a couple is relating in a top/bottom way, but the fact that they are doing it unconsciously in a way that is not enlivening for them.

    >I could see conscious play acting as a helpful tool for relationship dynamics

    I actually think ALL of life is a sort of playacting. That is what I’m describing, a way of playacting that is empowering and fun, rather than obligatory and inauthentic.

    >Whether you are a top or a bottom you are looking for self fulfillment and I guess I’d just rather be with someone who was looking for that directly instead of through pleasing or being pleased.

    I’d be interested to hear more about what “self fulfillment” means to you. I imagine that I would agree with you but use different terms, but I don’t see the inconsistency (so far) that you do.

    >Maybe its too broad a term and we are talking about different things? Or maybe we just disagree.

    I don’t think it’s really possible that we “disagree” because I am not saying something that it is possible really, to disagree with. I am saying “this is what I have observed so far, and this is how I interpret it so far.” I doubt you would say that you disagree with that. But it does sound like my observations and interpretations are so far unhelpful to you. I don’t disagree with you, I believe you!

    I am VERY interested to hear more about people’s experiences that DON’T resonate with my observations and interpretations, because I am always interested in gathering more data!! So Bethany I hope you will keep listening, writing, and sharing YOUR experience so we can all keep learning more about being human.

    Thanks everyone for being part of the conversation!

    Amy

  • amychilds

    http://www.nytimes.com/2000/04/02/magazine/the-he-hormone.html?emc=eta1%27

    This is a very interesting article about testosterone, really lends something to this discussion I think, although I don’t currently have the time or energy to articulate exactly what…. except maybe “Whoa, ‘Testosterone’ starts with T… and ‘Top’ starts with T…. coincidence?…hmmmm….”

    :)

  • amychilds

    No you are.